Tag Archives: Canada

Blame Canada…

27 Nov

not suitable for listening to Nickelback

… for apparently *not* having Cherry Coke.

As I explained one evening to my special friend (shut up) in Victoria, British Columbia that my Skype text chat typos were the fault of some regular ol’ brown Bacardi (not the upgraded Silver, which I always seemed to spring for in college) plus that delicious flavored and aforementioned carbonation, his response was this:

“Wait, does it have cane sugar in it? I want it, but I don’t think we have that here.”

Although I knew damn well it didn’t, I still went and fumbled around in the recyclables to make sure I wasn’t stupid and/or more intoxicated than I actually thought. I was right, however. Instead, it has high fructose corn syrup, like most other sodas (but for the “throwback” issues of things like Pepsi and Mountain Dew, which can still be found here and there).

Then he wondered aloud–er, on the keyboard–exactly why they might not have Cherry Coke in the True North. This took up a good 15 minutes, until we went back to cursing Gary Bettman at his having thus far foiled our plans for a recon mission to Winnipeg to see some NHL action.

Even worse, I’ve found a better mixer, one that I know damn well they wouldn’t possibly have there either, because it’s New England specific and made by the Polar Beverage company, based out of Worcester, MA. It’s raspberry lime soda. It kills all of the alcoholic bitterness. It’s dangerous and will turn your poop bright red, but my god, it tastes good.

So, Canada, how aboot it, eh? What’s the deal?

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