Blame Canada…

27 Nov

not suitable for listening to Nickelback

… for apparently *not* having Cherry Coke.

As I explained one evening to my special friend (shut up) in Victoria, British Columbia that my Skype text chat typos were the fault of some regular ol’ brown Bacardi (not the upgraded Silver, which I always seemed to spring for in college) plus that delicious flavored and aforementioned carbonation, his response was this:

“Wait, does it have cane sugar in it? I want it, but I don’t think we have that here.”

Although I knew damn well it didn’t, I still went and fumbled around in the recyclables to make sure I wasn’t stupid and/or more intoxicated than I actually thought. I was right, however. Instead, it has high fructose corn syrup, like most other sodas (but for the “throwback” issues of things like Pepsi and Mountain Dew, which can still be found here and there).

Then he wondered aloud–er, on the keyboard–exactly why they might not have Cherry Coke in the True North. This took up a good 15 minutes, until we went back to cursing Gary Bettman at his having thus far foiled our plans for a recon mission to Winnipeg to see some NHL action.

Even worse, I’ve found a better mixer, one that I know damn well they wouldn’t possibly have there either, because it’s New England specific and made by the Polar Beverage company, based out of Worcester, MA. It’s raspberry lime soda. It kills all of the alcoholic bitterness. It’s dangerous and will turn your poop bright red, but my god, it tastes good.

So, Canada, how aboot it, eh? What’s the deal?

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3 Responses to “Blame Canada…”

  1. boozetherapy November 27, 2012 at 11:04 pm #

    DAMN YOU. Wait, have we even talked about Polar beverages on here? Or have you and I even talked about them at all??? All three authors of this blog are addicted, but one of us (YOU) can get it whenever you want, one can get it when she goes to visit her fam in the Northeast (Mel) or apparently at some store in some part of Maryland that I never go to (sadface… that’s the face I’m making, natch, not the part of Maryland that I never go to, although if there were a Sadface, MD, I would TOTALLY MOVE THERE YESTERDAY), and the one of us that’s left (that’s ME! No, not you, Mike D) can’t get it anywhere unless Mel brings it back for me or Dad gets it in Vermont. I sent them a correction for a typo on their website and they sent me a coupon for a free case. THAT I CAN’T USE. But fortunately it doesn’t expire until the end of next year, so I’m going to use it in Vermont on Labor Day weekend 2013, baby!

  2. Alotsky Ovechkin November 27, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    I ADDED A PICTURE TO MAKE YOUR ASS JEALOUS

  3. Melanie Papasian August 21, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    Polar is getting its own post soon.

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