Two Recipes for a Dirty Martini*

5 Aug
a fine beverage
“Fuck yeah, martini glass!”

As a general rule, I like drinks that come with snacks. Bloody Marys, dirty martinis, most anything with a maraschino cherry and an orange slice in it…yes, yes, and yes (although I might just take the cherry and orange and leave the drink).

I have two recipes for making a dirty martini. Please enjoy responsibly.

Recipe #1

Holy shit, I’m gonna make a drink! YEAH! What goes in this, again? Right. Vermouth. That’s good, right? And it’s dirrrrrty, so a lot goes in, right? Just a splash. Okay, maybe a little more. Just a big splash. Whee! What else goes in this? Vodka? Sweet, I have a whole bottle of that shit. I’m gonna pour some in. Wait, isn’t there supposed to be ice in here? Yeah! Ice! And olive juice? I fucking love olive juice…but I know I have to be careful, so I won’t put too much in. *glug, glug* This party is awesome–these bleu cheese olives are awesome. I’m gonna stab a few and put them in this drink—wait, where’s my glass? I’m not so drunk that I can’t have a classy glass. Fuck yeah, martini glass! Shake it a little…but not so much that the top flies off and martini goes everywhere, which would be totally embarrassing, and not cool, because this is my house and I’d have to clean it up. That’s enough shaking. Now pour it into the glass with the olives in it. You know what does not go together? Bleu cheese and vermouth. This is not good. In fact, I think this is an abject failure of a beverage! But it’s vodka, so, yaaaaay!!!

Recipe #2

1 splash dry vermouth
2 oz. Ketel One vodka
1 splash of juice from the olive jar
olives

To serve: chilled cocktail glass and picks

Add ice to the cocktail shaker and put in a splash of vermouth. Swirl this around the shaker a couple of times. Then discard the vermouth. Pour the vodka into the shaker and give it a healthy splash of olive juice. Shake until extremely cold. Pour into a chilled cocktail glass. Spear three olives on a cocktail pick and place the pick in the glass. Serve.

*You’ll notice that I did not address the vodka vs. gin question.

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2 Responses to “Two Recipes for a Dirty Martini*”

  1. boozetherapy July 14, 2012 at 3:16 am #

    Can I just say here that I only now noticed, because we never post on this thing, that we were credited on some lovely woman’s interior design blog for the image that we probably stole from somewhere (I mean, I’m just assuming)? The image with the caption “fuck yeah, martini glass”? I LOVE it. And I only just now approved the comment because I kind of just assumed it was spam. Which it wasn’t. Hilarious!

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